My Give.

Over the past few months I have been haunted by an idea, a phrase that came about from a journal reading.  The idea came from Exodus 35 and 36, specifically 35:21 and 36:4-7…

“Then everyone came whose heart was stirred, and everyone whose spirit was willing, and they brought the Lord’s offering for the work of the tabernacle of meeting, for all its service, and for the holy garments.” Exodus 35:21


“Then all the craftsmen who were doing all the work of the sanctuary came, each from the work he was doing, and they spoke to Moses, saying, “The people bring much more than enough for the service of the work which the Lord commanded us to do.”

So Moses gave a commandment, and they caused it to be proclaimed throughout the camp, saying, “Let neither man nor woman do any more work for the offering of the sanctuary.” And the people were restrained from bringing, for the material they had was sufficient for all the work to be done—indeed too much.” Exodus 36:4-7

How incredible.  As they were working on creating the tabernacle for the Lord – the place where the presence of God would dwell (!!), the people with willing hearts gave of what they had.  As each person gave from what they had, both possessions and talents THERE WAS MORE THAN ENOUGH FOR WHAT WAS TO BE DONE.

More than enough.

Nowhere in this passage did it say that the people judged their gift based on what others were giving but instead it says that they brought freely from what they had and all together it was ALL they needed for ALL parts of the tabernacle.  Actually, it was MORE THAN all they needed.

I think too often we look at our “give” and we judge it against what we see others giving.  We judge the type, we judge the amount, we judge what looks to be the quality... and often in this judging we judge our “give” to not be enough and so WE DON’T GIVE IT.  What we forget is that it takes many types and qualities and quantities of GIVES to make complete the calling of God on His people.

Recently I was reminded of this passage and an incident found in Acts.  There are currently many situations and people in my life who are going through hard times.  They are going through situations that I can’t fix.  I feel worthless because I wonder what I have to giveto them.  And it is in these moments that I remember a time where Peter, like me, didn’t have what a situation looked to need… but what he does have, he freely gives.

“Then Peter said, ‘Silver or gold I do not have, but what I do have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk.'” Acts 3:6

Peter doesn’t have money but what he has is more powerful.  Peter doesn’t have physical resources but he has miraculous resources that go beyond time.

Although I don’t always have money to give, solutions to the problem or even words to bring comfort, I don’t have the immediate resources, there is something I do have and like Peter it goes beyond…. I have God.  I have His presence and power inside of me.  Like Peter I have the miraculous resource of the presence of God within me who brings peace and healing.

My give is not dictated by what I think I have or don’t have but instead my give is dictated by His Spirit inside me.  In Him there is fullness and He enables me to give what is needed in those moments.  And so, I give of what I do have, Him.

What is your give?

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The Risk To Create

I’ve always told people that I wasn’t an artist.  I can’t draw, this is a fact and not an opinion.  I was more pragmatic than being an artist meant.  I was creative but not artistic… or so I thought.

About 9 months ago I started painting.  I didn’t really expect anything to come of it but I had some paint, a few canvases and a whole lot of stress to need to relieve.  I sat down to paint and when I was done…

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Surprise!! Crazy, right?

Now I know that I’m not the most talented.  I don’t paint according to any technique other than, hmmm I wonder what this would do.  I’m by no means a professional.

But so what!  I’m an artist.  For Christmas I painted at least 15 paintings for a select group of people in my life.  I painted and while painting I meditated upon what scripture I would give to each and every person.  This wasn’t just about a gift but it was about the person and what I believed God was saying to each one.  So one by one the pieces were finished and given away.

Funny thing.  Along the lines of making these gifts I became addicted.  Something infected my soul.  The need to create.

I guess that means I’m an artist then.  The need to create overcoming my fear of failure.  Each piece becoming it’s own.  And the challenge continues.  I became comfortable with acrylic and so in the last month I’ve stretched into watercolor.  Watercolor really has a mind of it’s own.

Painting, I’ve realized, forces me to give up control.  I never know how a piece is going to end up with.  Normally half way through I’m pretty discouraged, this can’t possibly turn into something nice.  Even when the picture part is done, often I’m not too thrilled.  But, I persist.  I put the scripture on, and surprise, I end up liking the piece.

The same is true of life, I’ve found.  It requires us to give up control because it never turns out, either at the end or along the way, to be what we expect.  If we stop too soon and don’t finish we will be discouraged because it just doesn’t look to great.  Good thing a painting isn’t judged by the condition of the product half way through.  The same is true of our lives, it’s about the whole picture not just a part.  Just because it’s messy at one piece and no clear thing is being presented doesn’t mean it’s worthless.  We have to press through till the end.

We also must risk.  We can’t hide our lives from everyone and expect to make an impact.  Life is about creating and then risking it all to show the world.

With that said, I’ve created an Etsy shop for my paintings.  I may never sell a painting, which would be kind of sad, but at least I’m willing to allow people to see.  I would count it a success if just one person was encouraged, inspired, touched by my store.

Check it out, Normal Beautiful.

And then take a look at different paintings I’ve made, some are shown completed and others are half way done. Then… figure out what you were made to create and then take a risk and go after it!

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My Response to ISIS

There has been a lot of talk recently about ISIS and the Christians that are being persecuted, tortured and killed.  There has been a lot of talk about the evil that lies within.  A lot of tears have been shed and fear has been raised about where our world is coming to.  Those in other countries worry about their proximity to the threat and those in America worry about evil at their door.

Can I be honest?  None of those are my response.

Don’t get me wrong, I am saddened by the events.  But not because there are Christians losing their lives for the sake of the gospel, but instead because there are families loosing loved ones.  I am not afraid of the evil at my doorstep, because the evil has been there every day.  ISIS might be outright about killing Christians but our society has been killing Christianity since it’s existence.  

Just look at the Holocaust.

Just look at the fight to take “religion” out of school and politics and government.

Just look around us.

This is not a new thing or a new evil.  Instead evil has become blatant about the attack, no more behind closed doors and in the whisper but instead it is out right and in our face.

And yet, I am still not afraid.  Nor am I sad for those who are loosing their lives.  I know I sound heartless when I say this but just think…

Revelation 6:9-11″When he opened the fifth seal, I saw under the altar the souls of those who had been slain because of the word of God and the testimony they had maintained. They called out in a loud voice, “How long, Sovereign Lord, holy and true, until you judge the inhabitants of the earth and avenge our blood?” Then each of them was given a white robe, and they were told to wait a little longer, until the full number of their fellow servants, their brothers and sisters,[e] were killed just as they had been.

Those who ISIS are killing are these very souls… the souls of those slain because of the Word of God and the testimony. They are under the altar of God and He gives them a white robe. This is why I am not saddened by the thought of Christians loosing their lives for the sake of the Gospel.  I am excited that they are in throne room of God and because of their sacrifice they receive white robes.

As I stated earlier though, I am saddened by the loss their families and loved ones feel.  I saddened by the evilness that makes this a possibility.

BUT… that is not my only response to ISIS.

Last week at youth group we were talking about wearing the whole Armor of God.  As I was preparing for our time together and was reading through Ephesians 6 a passage of scripture caught my attention in a way it never had before.

Ephesians 6:18-20And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.  Pray also for me,that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.”

Paul, who write Ephesians, is talking about the armor of God – what protects us as we fight the battles against the evil one.  He ends this section of his letter by talking about praying in the Spirit for all of the Lord’s people – specifically for himself that when he speaks he would speak fearlessly the gospel.  Paul lived in a time when persecutions of Christians was a normal thing.  On multiple occasions Paul is imprisoned, tortured and almost killed for the sake of the gospel.  Does he ever pray that the Lord would take this from him? No. Instead his prayer is that he would speak fearlessly the gospel as he is imprisoned, tortured and almost killed.  Whenever I hear the news about what is going on in the world, the persecution of people groups and religions, the hatred of Christians all I can think is that this isn’t the first time.

In the history of America this has happened time and time again.

Columbine.

9/11.

Boston Marathon.

But each of these events, which the enemy intended for evil, the Lord redeemed.  How?  Just look at the Boston Marathon.  A senseless act of evil towards unsuspecting individuals; lives were lost, dreams were shattered.  And yet, a city that is often seen as dark and sinful was covered in prayer.  The reaction to the Boston Marathon? #PrayforBoston.  What the enemy intended for evil and darkness, was instead a catalyst for an advancement of the Kingdom, not just in Boston but across this country and globe.

In times of tragedy what happens?  Those who proclaim to have no faith fall on their knees and cry out to the only God who hears.  With tears and fears and troubled hearts prayer is the place that we turn.

And so… my response to ISIS isn’t one of terror or fear.  I do not run from my belief in an attempt to save my own life but instead I turn to the very place Paul did.  I pray that those who ISIS captures for their faith would be fearless to proclaim the gospel, that they would not fear evil but instead in the boldness of the Lord proclaim the only true hope to those who are the most hopeless.  My prayer is that what the enemy intended for evil, the killing of innocent Christians, would expand the Kingdom of God because the gospel is being proclaimed to those who might never have heard it before.  Who knows in the course of this terror how many within ISIS find hope in Jesus, are set free by TRUTH?  Who knows?!

And so my response?  I pray for ISIS.  For each individual that has been taken captive by darkness that the light of Truth would set them free.  I pray for comfort for their families and the families of those killed.

And I pray that I myself would be fearless to proclaim the gospel regardless of the evil that stands in my face.  For in this world the darkness would have us believe that he has won, but the truth is, Light always prevails.

My High Flying Adventure

Since I was 16 years old I have wanted to go skydiving.  Whenever this would come up people would chuckle. Why?  Because I am incredibly scared of heights.  Try to get me on a ladder, forget it!  But for some reason, for years this has been a dream.

Last week was my 2 year anniversary of my greatest adventure so far.  My anniversary of God creating within me a spirit of adventure and joy and peace.  For most of my life I was filled with anxiety and worry and fear.  Over the past year God has been challenging those very things and replacing them with strength, courage and delight. Some of you may remember that last year I took a Trapeze class because God told me to.  God wanted to teach me that although I may be afraid at moments, those fears should not dictate what I do and do not do in my life.

Well do to this growth and new found love of adventure I snatched up a Groupon to go skydiving and this past Saturday I went on my own and did it. Skydiving was the most amazing experience I have had thus far in my life.  There was no fear but only joy and extreme delight.  We jumped at 2 miles above the earth.  The air was rushing past as we free fell from the plane and my only thought was how awe-filled those very moments were.  The rush of the air.  The beauty of the earth below me and the ability to experience such delight was beyond comprehension.

I giggled and giggled and giggled some more.

And then when the parachute was opened and we were gliding through the air – to be able to take in the beauty of creation.  From Cape Cod all the way to Boston with all the trees, lakes, houses and streams in between was breathtaking.

I wish that I could aptly explain what those moments did to me.  It freed me.  It refreshed me.  It energized me.  And it hooked me.

NEVER again will I let fear hold me back.  Why?  Because if I had let fear stop me from sky diving I would have allowed the enemy to steal the joy and delight that I felt.  He would have stolen a part of my identity.  But, in trusting God and facing my fear, I was released and empowered and refreshed.

I haven’t felt this at peace in a while and I can’t help but wonder if it has something to do with another aspect of who I was created to be, being released.  Sitting here and remembering not just the experience but what God was breathing into me in those moments brings me to tears.  Tears of joy and delight and love.  To know that God created those types of moments for each of us at creation when He said, “it is good.”  Oh how that breathes refreshing straight into my soul.

If you have a dream that seems impossible due to fear, insecurity or lies spoken to you – don’t let that stop you.  Choose the truth of God and be released to be who you are.

And, if you want to skydive?  Do it.  Run, don’t walk and experience something that only God could have created.  Oh, and if you want… feel free to pay for me to jump again ;)

Until next time… enjoy these pictures!

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Now go, make adventures of your own! <3

Meet Penelope :)

This is Leonard. He was a kind old gentleman who was almost always up for an adventure. He served me faithfully for more than two years… from Washington to California to Washington to Massachusetts to New Hampshire and around. For almost two years he gave me barely any problems. Then… his health started failing. This picture is from the day I said goodbye to Leonard for a whole whopping $260.00!

But let’s back up because really the goodbye is more of the end of a story than the beginning. About two weeks before this picture was taken I got up on a Sunday morning, got ready and started on my way to church. Before I left the apartment I was doing a bit of devotional and I read Mark 14, “The disciples left, went into the city and founds things just as Jesus had told them. So they prepared Passover.”

What struck me that morning about this passage was that when the disciples were obedient to what Jesus told them to do His promise came to completion. And as I read this I heard God tell me, “Kaitlin if you are faithful to be obedient to what I have called you to then what I have promised, provision for your needs, will always be fulfilled.” I accepted this and moved on my way. Out the door, down the steps and into my car. I started Leonard and went down the hill to the stop light which was red, I stopped at the light and when it was green I pressed my foot on the gas to go. Leonard reved but would not go forward. The poor guy just couldn’t and wouldn’t go.

My pastor ended up coming and picking me up. Well long story short… Leonard’s transmission was leaking so my transmission fluid was super low but that wasn’t even the worst part… when my pastor checked my oil he noticed that it was like a creamy color. If you know anything about cars (which I didn’t) you know that this means that there is water or coolant leaking from your engine into your oil which means that at any time my car was going to kick the bucket.

It’s actually rather funny because the last time Leonard had a problem when I realized he wouldn’t start I cried. This time I laughed. How funny was it that just before going out to my car the Lord had spoken to me that if I was faithful in what He was calling me to do that He would provide. So instead of freaking out I just shrugged and said, “Okay God, let’s do this!”

And thus began two weeks of searching for a car that was going to last but wasn’t too expensive. In the midst of searching for a car which I discovered is a full time job in and of itself, my work had three large events and youth winter camp that I was getting ready for. I worked close to 12 hour work days while still trying to look for, look at and check up on different cars. And throw in the midst that I got a sinus infection and wasn’t sleeping well for at least a week of the search. There got to a point where I was test driving a car and I just started crying. I didn’t know what to look for in a car, all I wanted to be doing was sleeping and everything hurt.

but God was in the midst of it all.

With every door that slammed shut in my face. With every loan that I was denied and even with the car place that made me cry He was there. He knew where He wanted me to go, when He wanted me to find it and what car was for me. And miraculously one day I got so tired of looking that I googled, “car shops in NH that finance.” I knew that God was going to provide but I didn’t know what else to do. I was weak, weary, stressed and hurting.

And I found a car shop that was literally 5 minutes from my work with a car that was in my price range. So the next day I went to look at the car during work, I test drove the car and while I was driving the car I called my pastor. “This is where I am supposed to get my car from. This is the place.” There was something about the way that everything happened. When I walked in everyone came out to say hi to me. They didn’t ask me how much I make or anything they just allowed me to look at the cars. In talking it came out that I was a pastor and worked at the district office… the guy who was looking to sell me the car, Juan, was astonished and excited. He was a Christian too and the guy who worked on the cars was a youth leader. As I checked out the cars, talked with the guys and filled out the loan application I had peace. I mean I was a mess… I was shaking and my stomach was doing this weird somersault dance but there was peace. At one point Juan looked at me and said, “Selling you this car doesn’t matter. I could easily get someone to buy it tomorrow but what matters to me is helping you because I believe that is what I’m supposed to do.”

And he did. That night he prayed for me and my situation, he talked with the bank about my loan and the car, and when I was approved he personally called me and went into the shop to make sure that I would be able to pick up the car. And after a long search… I quickly was going to have a car. The day that I picked up my car was extremely stressful. I had to get a check for my down payment, I had to find insurance on my own and send a binder into the bank and then I had to get over to the car shop to pick it up… on top of getting everything together for work. But it all happened and I have my car!

Now over a week later I have a huge peace about everything that happened. I’m still tired. I’m still working on getting over being sick. But… God provides. He knew all along what He was doing and He had everything in control. And the greatest part about when God provides is that He often uses other people to do it. And over and over again He has used my work to bless me and those in my church family to look out for me and to make sure that I’m provided for. It’s never expected but it is always appreciated. Without God’s faithfulness and their obedience I would be in a very different place right now.

So without any further ado.. I would like to introduce you to Penelope!

:Processing through to Contentment:

Yesterday was amazing.  And it fit into a week in which I was able to appreciate where I am at, what God has done and is doing and where I wasn’t crushed by the fear and oppression of the “what now”s.  This was incredibly refreshing considering how I have felt the last few weeks.

For those of you who truly know me, it will probably come as no surprise to realize that last week I realized I had been holding onto some undealt with anger.  Well… it was more I hadn’t dealt with my grief from a situation and it caused me to become increasingly more angry until I, in a sense, EXPLODED.  I couldn’t stop being angry and this surprised me. 

So I stopped for a moment and it all flooded into me.

Fear, anxiety, hurt and anger.

Anger at myself, others and even some at God.

I sat on my couch, under a blanket crying as emotion after emotion surfaced.  Not a simple wave of passive emotion but emotions with a ferocity that I was surprised to experienced.  I thought I had dealt with it.  I thought I was moving on.

But the truth was, none of that was true.

I was in a holding pattern.  Holding onto my hurt.  Holding onto my fear.  Holding onto my anxiety.  Holding onto my anger.

So I lay on my couch, with the lights dim, curled in a ball under a blanket and I allowed God to minister to me.  I began to verbally express what I had been shoving deeper.  I named my emotions.  Fear.  Hurt.  Pain.  Disappointment.  Shame.  Anxiety.  Anger.

and then I gave them up.

Note that I didn’t say I gave up…. instead I gave THEM up.

I told God that I no longer wanted them.  I could no longer live with them weighing on my shoulders.  I wasn’t who I wanted to be.  and although I didn’t know how to let them go, I knew that He could take them.

It was almost reminiscent of my salvation experience.  At that point I told God that if He was real that He had to take everything I was feeling, hurt, pain, brokeness, unworthiness, etc., and that in exchange I was His.  I told Him that anything He asked I would do.  I can’t just give Him my emotions and my life once but I must give it back to Him on a continual basis, not allowing myself to think that I CAN DO IT alone.

and He did.  As He held me in His arms, wiped the tears from my face and rocked me to sleep, He took the weight from my shoulders.

The next day I took what I call a mental health day.  I slept in.  I got ready.  I took the afternoon off.  And then I went to the park.  I sat in the dirt, under a tree, in the sun.  I took out my journal and bible.  I read and wrote in my journal.  Then I closed my eyes and listened.  I listened to God in the birds chirping, the kids playing and the wind blowing.

I sat in His presence and felt His unending love and strength.

So this past week has been in light of that revelation and freedom: God is enough to take my burden and pain away.  I still must process and walk through it.  There are still awkward moments and painful memories.  There are still missing moments and broken dreams.  But He is enough to walk me through them.  He is enough to show me that there is more than those things.

And this past week there has been an even greater remembrance of what God has done as well as an appreciation for what I have right now: my school, my job, my church and both the relationships and opportunities that are encompassed by each of those things.

Yesterday two great things happened.

The first is that I got to preach in my preaching practicum class and I was reminded about one of my first loves: sharing God’s voice and word with others.  I was able to share with my class about Ezekiel 37, when God brings life to the dry bones.  (I love the truth that this passage still has to our lives today as He is the source of life who wants to make our dry bones live again!) 

The second was that last night we had Grad Celebration… and event for seniors graduating in May to both celebrate where they are at as well as find out important information about graduation and after graduation.  My office has been planning this event for months and it was so wonderful both to see our planning come to life, see the end product and be a senior who was able to feel honored in the process.

And so this is where I am.  Still processing through the events of my life; past, present and future.  But presently understanding that even through that process I can be content because…

He is sufficient.  He is… My savior.  My healer.  My baptizer in power.  My soon and coming King.  My Counselor.  My Lord.  My Beloved.  He is My own.  And I am thankful that in my last semester at LIFE, He is reminding me of why I came, who I am and giving me a HOPE that will prevail.

How has God shown up in your life lately?

How are you/do you deal with losses and points of grief in your life?  Are you allowing yourself to process through or are you shoving it deep inside?

I challenge you: take a “you” day or a you moment to spend some intimate time with the Lord and know that He wants to refresh and renew you wherever you are at!

That One BIG Empty Space

I’m not very good at having space in my life.  I don’t like distance when it is inside of friendships or relationships.  I also don’t like to be bored or to be unproductive.  Lately I have found that there is a space in my life that is very empty and from the outside seemingly unproductive, not because of anything bad but instead because I must wait.  I see an end but I’m not quite there.  The time has flown by and yet at the very same time at this exact moment I feel as though time is moving slower than dried molasses.

When I say that there is a space in my life that is empty I’m not meaning that spot that remains empty no matter what you do or say because it is your soul crying out for relationship with the magnificent Creator.  The space that I’m talking about is fillable.  I just don’t want to fill it with anything else.  It is a space that makes me realize how special my love with the Creator truly is.  It is a space that makes me realize how BIG the Creator is and it causes me to wonder why I find myself ceasing to trust Him fully.

The space that is empty right now is a space that has made me realize just exactly who I am, what I need and want.  It has made me slow down and take notice.  The space has created a desire to be more crafty (don’t ask how it just has).  The space has made me stop, pray and with the help of God dream again, at somepoint I had forgotten how for a while.  The space gives me a greater appreciation for what I appreciate and what drives me crazy about other people.  The space makes me work on my communication, not just how I understand others but how I can make myself understood to them.  The space makes me recognize safety and recognize the difference between something being familiar and something actually fitting.

So for now… I am going to be content to have an empty space.  To accept and even revel in what I’m learning from the space and allowing God to speak into and about the space.  Sometimes space isn’t a bad thing.  Sometimes space is needed for everything to align just right, settle in and bring a puzzle to perfect completion.

Is there any empty space in your life?

Are you allowing God to speak into and about the space?

What have you learned through empty spaces in your life?

What do I want?

I started this post 3 months ago.  Crazy!  But at the time, it wasn’t the right time to post it.  I wasn’t done figuring things out.  I only had a small inkling to what was going on.  Well… I think it’s time…. so…. here we go!

Thinking.  It’s kind of a dangerous thing for me to do lately because I dwell.  I get stuck on one topic and think it to death.  I get wrapped up in one thing and cause myself to go crazy thinking about the “what ifs” and the “who knows.”  Sometimes, though, my overthinking is not all my fault.  Sometimes, it is the fault of those around me that I overthink because of topics that are continually brought up or the same questions that are being brought up.  Lately it has been the latter, the same questions have been coming up and it has caused me to think and possibly over think.  Sometimes the questions asked by others cause questions of my own but they all have to do with four simple words: what do I want…?

What do I want to do when I graduate?

What do I want in the future?

What do I want to happen in my relationships?

What do I want in a guy?

When I think about those questions I feel ill equiped to answer, I feel stuck on myself when I think on these questions but the more that the questions have been asked the more I’ve realized that I need to know what I want to understand what God is doing in my life, to understand who I am more and to start moving forward and allow God to move in my life.

The most pressing of these questions seems to be what do I want to do when I graduate and the simple answer is, I’m not sure.  But for some reason no one likes that answer and so that leads me to the complex…

When I graduate… I might want to continue working in an office… as long as it is involved with ministry.  I would like to have the opportunity to mentor teenage and college girls.  I want to love on people, grow in relationships and continue to learn.  I want to have a job where I am constantly challenged, never 100% sure of what I am doing because I am constantly learning and growing.  I’m not completely sure what any of that would look like or where it would be.  I’m constantly in a struggle within myself whether I want to go closer to home or further away; I have a desire to go on and experience life in other cities than I have never known, a desire to be my own person to have my own life.  At the same time I have a desire to move closer to family, closer to my parents, my sisters, brother in law and closer to my soon to be niece.  When I graduate I want to get a job where I am immersed in people, pouring out my life and love to them but… everything else is still up in the air.

There is so much more that is whirling around in my head.  So many more answers and questions that I want to ask, that others ask and that thankfully God is beginning to clarify.  I know that many of these questions aren’t meant to be answered now and won’t be answered now but… I do know that as I continue to move forward that what isn’t important is the actual question or the actual answer but instead what is important is my heart and my stance as I question, seek and allow God to transform, renew and uncover what it is that He is up to.

And sometimes… it is in figuring out what I want that God begins to reveals.

WARNING: Objects may Appear Closer than they Actually Are

God is good.  Really I should just stop this post with those three simple words.  But really that doesn’t even begin to explain how amazing God is, how GREAT His love is for ME and how Glorious He is.  So I guess I will continue…

A few days ago I was standing in my kitchen, cleaning vegetables and cutting them up for my dinner and I was talking to God.  I was praying specifically for a couple of people in my life, that they would receive clarity and confirmation for things going on in their own lives.  And I just stopped and simply asked God, “Am I hearing you correctly, are you really saying what I think you are saying?”

I didn’t ask the question intending for an immediate answer, I just wanted God to know that I was unsure of what I was hearing… was it all in my head, was it all my emotions and desires speaking or was it really God?

Let me stop a moment and RECAPE…. This summer I questioned God a lot about what He was doing in my relationships and why I had thought I had heard Him but that thing hadn’t happened.  In fact the exact opposite of what I thought God had spoken to me had happened.  I had a lot of “Why?” questions were going through my head and the one answer that God gave me was, “WAIT.”  Just wait.  The only explanation that He gave for His answer was that I was to WAIT expectantly as a pregnant mother waits in expectancy for her child.

{SIDE NOTE.  I AM NOT PREGNANT.  THIS METAPHOR COMES FROM THE FACT THAT MY OLDEST SISTER IS PREGNANT AND SO BABIES ARE ON THE BRAIN.}

Back to the story… I was standing in my kitchen, after a summer of waiting, unsure of my ability to hear God correctly and unsure of what God meant by “WAIT” I was asking if what I “thought” God was saying was true.

In that one moment God’s presence descended upon my small kitchen, I started to cry {I’M EMOTION. SO SUE ME.} and God simply said “yes.”  “Yes, you are hearing me.  I love you so much.  More than you will ever know and you are hearing me.”

Well one would think that the story would end there, God answering me that yes in fact I was hearing Him… yea well it doesn’t because I always jump ahead of myself.  When I heard what God was saying, I was really seeing down the road, not exactly where I am at but where this road is leading to.  God was saying “yes” but He wasn’t done with His WAIT.

A few minutes after meeting with God in my kitchen, life did what life does and I had a conversation that left me discouraged.  I was thinking how was what they were saying connected with what God had just said to me?  The conversation I had wasn’t horrible and it wasn’t even stopping what God was saying but it was messing with my interpretation, my understanding of what God was saying.

The story continues the next day.  I was processing what had happened in my kitchen and the conversation that I had had and I was admitting my fear when God spoke again.. and He said, “Slowly.”  “Slowly Kaitlin, as I said WAIT before I am now saying SLOWLY.  A baby when it is born is not able to run or even to hold up its own head but instead over the course of time as the baby matures it is able to move to crawling, to walking and then finally to running.  Go slowly.  What you see is still further away but trust that I am bringing it to pass.”

OBJECTS MAY APPEAR CLOSER THAN THEY ACTUALLY ARE.  I think that I often have the tendency to take what God says and jump right in, to start running when it might not actually be the exact right time.  So… no matter how hard it is I must move SLOWLY so that this is able to mature and grow.  I must stop trying to run and learn how to crawl… then walk… and finally run.

Slowly.

Do you ever run into what God is telling you when what is really needed is a slow and easy walk?  What times in your life has God told you to WAIT and when has He told you to SLOW down?

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