Peace beyond understanding

The last few weeks have been full of emotion.  Some were moments, some were not.  Two weeks ago was one of those emotional moments types of days.  This is what that day entailed…


This morning I woke up late.

Thankfully I don’t have to “clock” in at any specific time.  But still, I felt late.  I listened to my bible reading for the day, wrapped a few presents, heated up day old coffee and sprinted out the door.

I arrived in my office hoping to get a “new” payroll client up and running early in the day.  It’s after noon and this still hasn’t happened.  As the time ticked on and emails/phone calls with delays passed, I felt my anxiety rising.  Round Two and I felt knocked out.  (You see I have been trying for too long to get this payroll client up and running and well, it hasn’t been the prettiest or easiest situation.)

I went for a walk around the church to pray and calm my rising emotions; it was upon returning to my office that the date made sense.  October 21st, not just the day that Marty McFly traveled to but also the day, 6 years ago, when my papa went to be with the Lord.

October 21st, a day of joy and sorrow.  October 21st, a day of unexplained peace.

6 years ago a very different Kaitlin roamed the earth.  She was ruled by her emotions and ran from the stench of death.  Losing a loved one was not high on my priorities.  But 6 years ago, my papa’s fight with cancer ended.

Papa and I

You have to understand who my papa was.  He was kind and caring.  He loved old books, golf, and his family dearly.  He was known for asking me if I had a boyfriend yet, and for being utterly appalled and confused when I told him no.  Whenever I was with him, I felt beautiful.  It was with my dad and papa that I learned to golf.  I learned how to have a steady hand, to quiet my ever-moving mouth and to enjoy the peace of the course.

It was also from my papa that I discovered a love of old books, he would suggest a book and I would devour it.  To this day, his favorite authors are also some of mine.

He also had a strong, yet quiet love of the Lord.  I know, that although sad I moved to CA for school, He was proud that I was following Jesus.

6 years ago, after many years of a valiant fight, my papa was ready to join His Savior.  I don’t think any of us were ready but I flew home to see him one last time.  It is a sweet memory, he kind eyes looking on me with love.  Our silly exchange about the lack of boy friends in my life.  A kiss on the forward exchanged back and forth.  Good bye was said without a single word exchanged.

Then my mom and I drove the three hours home and waited. And on October 21st, there was this moment of extreme peace.  A peace that was infused with joy and love and light.  It’s like when you look outside at just the right moment in the afternoon as the light is shining through the trees just right and you could almost swear you were in another world.  For a moment this peace invaded my sense and then the phone rang.  And I knew, that Papa was now in Heaven.


I started writing this post on the 6 year anniversary of my papa’s home-going; a day that is always filled with much emotion.  But, as with most posts that begin with that much emotion, I couldn’t finish.  I had to take a pause, but today after sharing the raw emotions of loneliness that I posted in my The Lonely Places post I wanted to share this memory because it reminds me, in the middle of emotion, that God’s peace goes beyond emotion, beyond situations.  His peace is a peace that makes no sense based on the World.  But it is a peace that exudes joy and life and love; it is an otherworldly peace.  Sometimes, often, we need a reminder of His truth.

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7

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