Undignified

16 01 2015

On my good days I would tell you that I’m a pretty faithful person.  I pray, I read my bible, I try to listen to the Voice of God in my life.  I’ve been known to take a chance on what God tells me to do; to walk out onto shaky ground knowing that God is the one who holds me up.  I’ve trusted Him… with my money, with my jobs, with my very life.

But those are the good days.  The days were I am certain and where I know that people see God in what I do.

Lately, though, I haven’t been in those places.  Lately I haven’t been residing in the “good days.”  Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve been praying, I’ve been reading my bible, I’ve been listening to the Voice of God and I’ve been living my life “Walking on Water…” and yet, I wouldn’t label myself as faithful today.

Daily I feel the shakiness of heart.  I trust God… BUT.  And it is the BUT that I realize needs to be known.  You see, the whole of my walk with Jesus has been what people expected it to be.  I was a good girl without Jesus and I became a good girl with Jesus.  I gave Him my life and in return He gave me a call.  And I answered.  I answered and left home, I answered and moved East.  I answered and although it wasn’t always what people wanted me to do it LOOKED right.  Thankfully I can sit here and tell you that I know it wasn’t just what LOOKED right, it was an answer to follow Jesus.

But now He is asking me to follow Him further.  He is asking me not just to follow Him when it LOOKS right, but even when it LOOKS wrong for looks can be very deceiving…  

I love reading through the life of David – from shepherd boy to giant slayer to  King.  I love reading through the Psalms as He follows the promise of God even when it seems as though it has been stolen away.  I rest in the intimate relationship they have because I find myself there.  I find myself in the Truth is found even in the myriad of David’s emotions.  But this morning there is one passage from David’s life that stands out above the rest.  As I seek to follow God, what I am doing and the convictions that I am holding to seem crazy and down right stupid.  And it is this passage that comes to mind:

“Wearing a linen ephod, David was dancing before the Lord with all his might, while he and all Israel were bringing up the ark of the Lord with shouts and the sound of trumpets. As the ark of the Lord was entering the City of David, Michal daughter of Saul watched from a window. And when she saw King David leaping and dancing before the Lord, she despised him in her heart… When David returned home to bless his household, Michal daughter of Saul came out to meet him and said, “How the king of Israel has distinguished himself today, going around half-naked in full view of the slave girls of his servants as any vulgar fellow would!”  David said to Michal, “It was before the Lord, who chose me rather than your father or anyone from his house when he appointed me ruler over the Lord’s people Israel—I will celebrate before the Lord.  I will become even more undignified than this, and I will be humiliated in my own eyes. But by these slave girls you spoke of, I will be held in honor.” 2 Sam 6:14-16 & 20-22

And the question from the Lord for me this morning is this, will I become even more undignified than this for the sake of His name?  Am I willing to look crazy and stupid?  Am I willing that others wouldn’t understand for the sake of worshiping the King?  David laid down his honor as King for the honor of His King.  He worshiped God with EVERYTHING that he had, am I willing to do the same?

You see I am preparing to move 1 1/2 hours from living with a family to living in a new town in my own apartment.  I know that where I’m moving is the “land” that God has shown me; I am confident that this is what God is asking me to do next.  But the thing is, that’s about all that He has shown me.  I don’t have a prospect of a full time job or even really a job at all.  And what’s even crazier is I’m not even looking.  There I said it.  Go ahead, judge me.  Call me stupid and lazy.  Call me unwise and a bad steward of what God has given me.  The thing is all those could be true, except…   I would LOVE to look for jobs and apply.  I’m pretty confident that I could indeed get a good paying job that would give me the finances I need to survive.  Sitting here and doing nothing, or practically nothing goes against every fiber in my plan filled body.  It goes against every fiber within my controlling being.  It goes against the mentality to work hard, make money and be secure.  But I guess that is probably the point.

You see, and take this in whatever way you will, God told me not to look for a job.  There, I said it.  Call me crazy, call me foolish, tell me I’m delusional.  Go ahead, I don’t care.  It would seem from the life of David that I’m in pretty good company.  Don’t ask me to explain what God meant because I don’t know what it means.  Is a job miraculously going to drop into my lap?  Maybe.  Is an opportunity going to arise that I feel released to go after?  Maybe.  The truth is that I just know that I must be undignified.  I must lay down appearances and just worship before the King.  I must wait and trust that if He has said to wait that He will make it known in time for what I am waiting.  I must hold firm to that which I cannot seen regardless of how it is seen.

And so.  Today, again, I am sitting here undignified.  Without a job but moving.  Trusting in the One who made a shepherd boy a giant slayer and a King.

Oh yes, I will become even more undignified than this for the sake of worshiping my King.

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2 responses

18 01 2015
grush91

Excellent! Thank you! And know you are not alone in that doing what doesn’t look right. God is with you and that is more important than anything else. I am sure of it.

28 01 2015
Normal Beautiful

Thanks Greg! I know that you understand :) Thanks for reading my post. Being undignified sure is messy ;)

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