A few of my teens asked me that question last night at journaling after I shared what I had written down and the question has been haunting me. Actually the question has haunted me for years, since high school to be exactly, it wasn’t always exactly the same but I was all based on the same idea:
Why are you so good at praying?
Why are you so good at school?
Why are you so good?
The question has haunted me and confused me for years. Because I don’t see myself as “so good” I see myself as okay. I see myself as getting by. I see myself as human, broken and imperfect. Let’s be honest, I don’t just see myself this way, I am this wy.
So why? Why do they see me as being “so good?” Well it hit me this morning, what they were seeing wasn’t me being better at something, they were mistaken. What they saw as my ability was really just relationship fleshed out. What they saw was time fleshed out. What they saw was hunger.
Since the moment my knees hit the floor and I offered everything of me to God I’ve been hungry. I have desired more. I have been hungry for more of God, more relationship, more peace, more joy, more wisdom. More. It wasn’t that I was unhappy with what I had but it was instead that I had this intense desire within me to really KNOW God, to KNOW what it meant to follow Him and that all of me would be for Him. This is partly because that’s what happens when you encounter the Savior and partly because my personality is to be ALL IN.
And so, since early in high school I have been seeking intimacy with my Savior. Since high school I have spent time immersed in the Word of God. Since high school I have been seeking wisdom, peace, joy and strength that only comes from Him. You see it isn’t that I am somehow better at journaling or I somehow know HOW to pray. But instead I understand that this life I live is a conversation between me and my Creator. When I read His word I expect Him to speak to me, I expect wisdom to be imparted. When I pray, it is out of a continual conversation, I pray what I believe God to be saying. I don’t pray wishes and dreams but commands and declarations that are breathed of the Father.
Don’t try to be “good” at prayer or journaling. Don’t attempt to be “good” at all. But seek to intimately know the Savior, come expectant and pray out of a conversation that never ends. You will find within that a hunger that will never be satisfied, a wisdom that goes beyond your years and insight that you have never seen in unexpected places.