This week has been hard. That is the easiest way to explain this week. It hasn’t been hard because of people, places or experiences though. Oh no, nothing physical at all but it has been hard because the enemy has been reading my mail.
He has been having a field day speaking deceit into my life.
- You aren’t good enough, he said.
- You are a screw up, he said.
- You are unworthy, he said.
- You don’t know how to do anything right, he said.
And I believed him. It was as though I stepped back through the years to the insecure Kaitlin who didn’t know Christ. I stepped back in time to the me before Christ redeemed me. It wasn’t concious but it happened all the same.
And yesterday I became unglued. I realized what was happening and yet I felt defenseless. I prayed but I knew that wasn’t enough. So I called my dad because I know he knows truth and a funny thing happened… he couldn’t talk at that moment. I got off the phone and I knew I needed to call my sister. I hesitated for a moment because her current job keeps her really busy but there was something in me that needed to hear her voice. There was a whisper within me that would not stop until I called. So I did… and she answered.
As soon as I heard her voice I broke. She is my confidante, the person who since before I knew Christ I knew I could trust. She understands me in more ways then I think either of us understands. There is a quote that says, ”
For there is no friend like a sister in calm or stormy weather; to cheer one on the tedious way, to fetch one if one goes astra,y to lift one if one totters down, to strengthen while one stands.
– Christina Rossetti
This is my sister. And so when I called yesterday everything that I was feeling vomited out of me. I shared how I was feeling, when it had started and the pieces began to fall into place. And she recognized it for what it was: the enemy’s attack. That these things that I hadn’t faced in years, that Jesus has already dealt with were being brought up by the enemy. That the enemy was using them to instill fear into my life.
But here’s the thing… although she is on the complete otherside of the country, although our lives at times seem to be night and day, she was/is facing a very similar situation. But where as my situation was spiritual in nature, hers was of the physical. What I needed to hear from her, what she spoke into me about the truth of my identity was also in turn what I was able to speak into her.
We are two sides of the same coin. No matter how long we spend away when I am going through something and I need to hear from her it is because she understands what I have to say. It’s funny because after I talked to my sister my dad called me back. He was out of his meeting and was able to talk… but the weight was already beginning to lift. My sister had spoken Truth to me. My sister had been that Truth to me. In that moment, my sister had been Christ incarnate, Truth incarnate… giving me from the Lord what I needed. But it wasn’t just that I needed her in that moment but more that we needed each other.
What the enemy meant to destroy, the Lord was using to build up… not just me but also her.
So you see.. the Lord blessed me not only with a physical sister but more than just that. She is my soul sista, my other half and I am blessed beyond words for what the Lord does through her.
Lil Big Sis… I am so proud of the woman of God that you are. I am proud of all that you do and I can’t wait to see what the Lord is going to do through you in the years to come!