So I have suffered my whole life from being boy crazy which I’ve decided to call boy-itis. And when I say my whole life I mean at least since Pre-school. Literally. I can name you at least once boy I’ve liked per year since Kindergarten at least (I forgot the name of the boy in pre-school but I can picture him as I write this!)… you doubt?…
Let’s just stop there… and that was only until my senior year. And there were more crushings that happened for small time frames in between.
You may wonder why I bring this up… well for it me it’s kind of something that has haunted me. I have always wondered why I couldn’t ever not like someone. Never. It’s usually… like a boy… work on getting over a boy… over a boy and BAM! like another boy.
I thought going to bible college would change things. I thought that God would magically make my boy-itis disappear. I hoped that I could be healed. Yea… Nope.
Well in the past semester there are two things I realized about what I thought, what God thinks and where my current state of boy-itis. So here goes.
Earlier this semester I was getting over a boy but not just any boy, a boy who was a major part of my life and meant a lot to me. I vowed to myself that I was done with boys for a long time and by long time I meant until at least graduation. And I guess you could say I had one of the most successful times actually not having boy-itis… for about 2 whole days. Then everywhere I went there was a boy smiling at me, giving me compliments, reading their bible and being genuine people. and then there it was… I was a crushin.
I went home disgusted with myself. Really??? I had just moved on and I had vowed that it would be me and God till the end of the semester and I couldn’t even do that. I felt defeated. I felt worthless. But then (thankfully) God spoke. He told me that He had made me just the way that I was, with my severe case of boy-itis and all. The point of this semester for me wasn’t about never looking at another boy, never thinking about being in a relationship or even never wanting to be with someone ever again. The point of this semester was that IN SPITE of all that, that God was the reason and the focus. That it wasn’t about the crushes, the noticing or even the wonderings/thinkings. Instead it was about God.
Thank goodness for that. Here I was feeling like a failure and there God was, showing me that I was looking at it and Him all wrong!
Fast forward a month or two and well… I realized that what I was noticing the most about the men in my life were all things that I admired.
Devotion to God
Love of kids
Love of teens
desire to love people
willingness to push me
the desire to see me grow
a desire to grow…
and the list continues.
I thought back in my life and I realized that my boy-itis has evolved. My boy-itis before bible college was mostly for guys that I didn’t really want to end up with… they didn’t love the Lord and honestly they weren’t looking for a goody-two-shoes like me.
What is so desireable about the men in my life, the guys who I hold near and dear as friends is that they are different. When I think of them I desire someone like them to share my life with. What I had always heard about but never knew is now in front of me…
I’m like a kid who is going to Disneyland for the first time.
You just know there is something magical about it.
So you see… the truth about boy-itis is that it is not bad. The truth is… in this time of my life I am surrounded by magnificent men of the Lord… men who I can care for, love on and grow with/from.
There really isn’t much of a point behind this post except, as with most of my posts, I’ve been thinking about this and mulling it over. Thankful for a God who knows best and is willing to work with me, even with my crazy case of boy-itis!!