I don’t know about you but I don’t like to wait… unfortunately for the last 6 months God has been saying things that tie into Waiting. It began by God telling me to Wait to see exactly what He was up to in my life without telling me what or why I was waiting. Over those first three months I learned a lot about myself, what I had lost, who I really was, what God was telling me and who God really was. And then about 3 months ago it seemed like I finally understood why I was waiting, what I was waiting for. I thought that the waiting was over and then God spoke again, He told me that I had more waiting to go… although what He was speaking to me about and was sharing with me was true it wasn’t quite yet. (Kind of like the fact that the Kingdom of God is NOW and yet it still is NOT QUITE YET!) And so I have kept going the past 3 months, for a total of 6 months of waiting…. and last week I hit a point where I WAS DONE. I just wanted to have it already, I was ready to be and was currenlty done with waiting. (In all honesty, my attitude was that of a snotty and spoiled child who wanted their candy/cookie/toy RIGHT NOW!)
Then I got to chapel and God spoke loud and clearly…
Our Dean of Students got up at the very beginning of our worship chapel and talked about the time of Advent and what Advent is really about. It’s about the WAITING with anticipation until Christmas to be able to celebrate the birth of Christ… Advent is about WAITING for Christ to come. Our Dean of Students then began to talk about where our hearts as a culture and world are at, that since Halloween we have been wanting Christmas to be here NOW, that there was no waiting invovled but instead that it was all about skipping forward. Our generation and even just our culture is like a spoiled child, not willing to wait but wanting everything their way right NOW. As he began to talk about the heart of our culture and that God was calling us to continue to WAIT God spoke…
Kaitlin where is your heart at?… Are you learning to rejoice in the WAITING?… If what you want is WORTH IT then you should continue to WAIT… and it truly is worth it. It is okay to be done and to be tired but your heart must still be for me in the WAIT. He then began to ask me about my wait: What is/was the point of my WAIT? What did I tell you this was for? Have you continued to do those things?
My last post was about living your life and your ministry with your ARMS WIDE OPEN. Well… that was what my time of waiting was suppose to be about.. not about the WAIT or what I was WAITING for but instead it was suppose to be about the people around me. But with the weight of the WAIT and all the junk that piles up from life, my arms had become too heavy to bear. I was so tired and felt as though I couldn’t hold them up and open anymore. I realized that it wasn’t just that I was tired of WAITING but I was also tired of struggling to hold my ARMS WIDE OPEN. How silly can a person be? That I, of my own strength and power, would try to keep my arms open to others? It isn’t about my strength, my power or even really about my love, but instead it is about the One who died with HIS arms wide open.
Right there, crouched before the mirror I realized that I had been trying to deal with WAITING and holding my ARMS WIDE OPEN
all by myself and I gave up… I gave the WAITING up to God, I gave up all the junk that was holding my arms down to JESUS, I gave up all my strength to the one who constantly sustains and refreshes me. I gave it up to HIM. I no longer have to try to hold my arms up but instead when my focus is on HIM, He hold them open wide for all the world. I don’t have to do anything because HE has already done it all, all that remains for me is to SURRENDER.
And so… I continue to WAIT with ARMS WIDE OPEN, knowing that who I wait with is GREATER than all and trusting that what I WAIT for is worth it.
Have you ever had to WAIT? What were you WAITING for?
Did you wait successfully, listening to what it was you were to do in the WAIT?
Have you ever allowed yourself to try to CARRY the WEIGHT all by yourself? Did you allow God to take the WEIGHT or are you still carrying it around?
I challenge you to revel in the WAIT, pay attention to what God is doing, what He is saying and learn to QUIT carrying the WEIGHT by yourself.