Why isn’t it easier?

I called and talked to my mom today.  I love when I have a moment to spare and I’m able to call my mom, my dad or my sister.  I absolutely love them and the rest of my family.  Which is kind of where my problem lies…

I gave my life to Christ when I was 12 years old, 9 years ago.  And when I say I gave my life to Christ I meant that I literally gave my life to Christ.  The moment I gave Christ all my junk was the moment I surrendered my life to Him.  I told Him that if He would make me whole in return I would follow Him NO MATTER WHAT.

That NO MATTER WHAT went from reading my bible, to singing at church, to preaching in front of the youth group and then finally to moving to California [that is a story all in itself].  And now I’m on the verge of another NO MATTER WHAT moment and I just can’t stop myself from thinking…

Why isn’t it easier?

You would think that after 9 years it would be easier.  That I would stop fighting and just learn to take it moment by moment, trusting and listening to God NO MATTER WHAT.  But time doesn’t make it any easier to do what is hard.  Time doesn’t make your family live closer, time doesn’t make it so you stop missing birthdays and celebrations.

There have been so many moments in the last 9 years when I thought that really I could just give it all up and it could be easier.  I could live like normal human beings; I could do what other girls my age do [although I’m not entirely certain what exactly they do do], I could make my own plans and carry them out, I could go wherever and do whatever, I could get a high paying job and focus on myself and someday my own family.  All that would be so much easier but luckily for me, I stick to my word.  And so NO MATTER WHAT I’m allowing God to lead me and even to keep sending me.

My family wants me to come home when I graduate, to stop missing birthdays and celebrations, to be there constantly but… I told God NO MATTER WHAT.  So… even though it would be easier to go where I’m pulled, I must go where I’m called.  I have no idea where that is but thankfully I still have 9 months to figure it out.

What is God asking you to do that you wish were easier?  Have you ever told God NO MATTER WHAT and how has that affected where you are now?

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2 thoughts on “Why isn’t it easier?

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  1. You seem to be very committed to whatever God called you to do. I have learned that life is not supposed to be easy, especially when we follow God. The world will demand that you live for yourself, that you should be happy, satisfied, and selfish. But God asked you to do the opposite, which is difficult, but is the Kingdom of Heaven. It is a joy to live the Kingdom. God will give you the strength.

    1. I don’t think necessarily that God asks us to be unhappy and unsatisfied because as we choose to live for the Kingdom of God but I know what you mean…. it’s just when we choose to follow God and thus the opposite of the world that is when God is able to give us joy and peace more than we could ever imagine which often comes in the midst of trials and persecution! :)

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