Tonight I went for a run. It’s been nearly a month since my last run. But I did it, I went for the run. It is a very weird thing for me to sit here and write about running. You see until about 4 months ago I did anything but run. Sure occassionally I would have to sprint around at youth group as all the youth boys tried to get me out but run, on my own, without teenage boys chasing me? Nope that just wasn’t me.
But then something began to stir in me. Some of it was a realizing that my health, although not spiraling out of control, wasn’t what I wanted it to be. Some of it was realizing that with more to do I had less energy to give. I felt as though far too often I was running on empty and filling up on quick pick me ups to just survive the day. But then there was something else, something else was stirring and I couldn’t put my finger on it.
And so, a few months ago, in my quiet private moments with God I began to shared my frustration. My frustration over my lack of energy. My frustration over my lack of movement. My frustration that I felt confined by my flat feet and the pain they produced. I cried out that I wanted to want to run. I not only wanted Him to meet me in my feet but I wanted Him to stir something I had never had before.
And as I shared the something that I couldn’t name and couldn’t quite pin down continued to stir within me.
And then God did something. Without any prompting God healed my feet. Then He reminded me of my request to move and to desire to run. And so I did. Over the past few months I have made small progress but I do run.
And as I have continued to make the effort, continued to make the choice no matter how long it has been, continued to put one foot infront of the other I haven’t been able to get this thought out of my head:
I am learning how to wait.
The stirring I had been feeling was this desire to remember what it’s like to wait well. To keep pushing on even when it doesn’t look like anything is changing. This may seem strange but in a world that is full of instant things I had forgotten how to wait.
And so, I’m learning how to keep at it… no matter how long it takes or how slow I am. I’m learning how to give myself grace and to trust the process. There are so many things in my life that seem to be up in the air; so many things that I’m waiting for God and His promises in, so many things that I want and need to change. But so many things that I need to not be
instant and temporary.
And runnning is teaching me that this all takes time. What God is doing in me and through me is not instantaneous but it is everlasting. It takes time but it is worth it. And so, in my running and in my living, I am putting one foot in front of the other; choosing to do it again and again until I see things change.
“Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way as to take the prize. Everyone who competes in the games trains with strict discipline. They do it for a crown that is perishable, but we do it for a crown that is imperishable. Therefore I do not run aimlessly…”
1 Corinthians 9:24-26